The more visible I become, the less I’m inclined to just make off-handed comments without a full detailed validation of the comment.(Just look at how much of this post is warnings and disclaimers. On my own blog.) Because I am just asking for ‘splaning and ‘helpfulness’ when sometimes all I want is to vent.
If you’ve noticed any time I tweet one of these things that gets a dogpile of responses I go quiet for a while, this is why. I honestly don’t have the energy to handle all the replies.
I’ve taken to tweeting and then immediately muting the conversation. In particularly problematic cases, I’ve muted people who are consistently unhelpful. In more extreme cases, I call them out (this has never stopped them, and has always cost me mana to compile and post the reply).
I don’t know if it’s because I am obviously – by display picture, display name, physical presentation, and pronouns – female (ask me how my handle and web presence was gender-neutral for a decade!), people think it’s okay that their opinions reach me any time I make a sound. And I appreciate that some people may legit think they are doing only good. But honestly? Your quips, your third reply of the same unhelpful suggestion, they just add to the pile and push me down further. I am not your child, I am not your junior developer, I am not your pet. I am your peer. Treat me as such.